Let’s face it – life is a tough gig. We weren’t born with a map and a manual to tell us how to do it well. It’s a journey of taking steps, getting some wins, falling flat on your face suddenly, dusting the dirt off your knees and then wondering what to do next.
It’s a cycle that happens over and over – sometimes we’re aware of it at the time and sometimes we become aware after the fact.
Some people experience little trips and falls and others experience massive crashes.
It’s all a key part of the journey.
For those of us that know there is something more to this life than just meandering through it for 80 years, or more, and lying on our death bed thinking ‘heck, I never did go on that holiday to the Himalaya’s, or launch that business idea, or write that book’, it means we have to choose to make some big changes in our life in order to move forward and discover the depth and richness that is on offer.
We need to cut some dead wood.
There are people around us that are energy suckers, comfort zoners, ‘please don’t shine because you make me look bad-ers’.
In their heart they mean well – they don’t want you to get hurt in this life journey, although in keeping you back from your journey, they are hurting you.
And by keeping them in your circle of influence, you are choosing hurt over happy.
So imagine this:
You’re standing on a beach.
It’s pretty, even though it’s called Same Old Beach.
The sun is shining warm rays onto your skin.
Across the sea is an island.
You don’t know what is on that island but you do know it’s called ‘Flourish Island’.
In front of you is a wooden boat.
There is a driver’s seat, and 5 other seats.
There are no life jackets because the people in the boat will decided if they (individually or collectively) will sink or swim.
There is 1 paddle.
Your instructions are to decide to get to Flourish Island before the boat floats away and you’re stuck on Same Old Beach.
You need 5 people and yourself in the boat before you can unhook it from the shore.
You can pick any 5 people to join your trip to the island.
Oh, but there’s people now surrounding you, scurrying, yelling, crying, trying to get in your boat – they want to get off of Same Old Beach because they’ve been there for so long but can’t be bothered finding their own boat.
Things to consider for the people you want:
- Who has complimentary skills and knowledge that can help you get to the island and thrive?
- Who will be in it as win win, rather than for themselves?
- Who will support you to lead the expedition, because you must always be leading – if you’re not, the boat bungies back to the shore and you have to start again.
Anytime there is a challenge where an ego takes over (either yourself or the crew) the boat bungies back to the shore.
Anytime the boat is not moving forward, even just in tiny increments, the boat bungies back to the short.
Anytime there is confusion about the journeys mission, bungy back to shore.
Anytime, even on the island, where you are not making the final decision, you and the crew bungy back to shore.
Here’s the bonus, you can be on the island and a crew members time has come to leave because they have shared everything they know for this mission, served their role or purpose and helped you move forward, you can replace them without bungying back to shore AS LONG as the replacement crew member is of equal value or more. No replacing with a pawn just to fill the gap. If you replace them with a crew member of lesser value, BOING, you all bungy back to shore and start the journey again.
The boat and the journey represents your life.
It’s not a straight forward game. Oh and I forgot to mention storms come through randomly so if the crew freak the heck out during the storm, back to shore you go.
So who do you want in your boat? Who are you surrounding yourself with in order to learn, grow and succeed?
Who do you need to off-load?
How to remove your old crew
There’s no need to do a formal ‘you’re no longer my friend’ conversation. You’re better than that school yard caper. The best ways is to just gradually reduce the amount of time you spend with these people (or you can go all in and just stop adding air to the relationship).
You don’t need to unleash your inner beast and give people a rousing run down of why they’re no longer good for your life. You’re better than that. And that’s ego taking over…..
If a conversation comes up just let them know that you’re focusing on you for a while and that means you just need to reduce contact time with them. Nothing personal, it’s just what you need to do for you.
Some relationships have a time frame and they will just gently slip away anyway. Know that it is ok. If you are surrounding yourself with the quality crew, they know when it’s time for a relationship to float off and there doesn’t need to be an awkward discussion.
So, stand on the waters edge of Same Old Beach and make your decision. Are you going over to Flourish Island and up for the journey, or are you staying where you are?
PS the journey to Flourish Island could be quick or slow, it doesn’t matter, because once you get to Flourish Island the next part of your journey begins.